A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
