My liver just broke up with me...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
