its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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