you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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