Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
