All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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