dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
