he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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