ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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