If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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