I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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