I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
