I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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