i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
