So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
