About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
