is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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