It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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