i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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