3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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