I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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