i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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