Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize