I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
