You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
