I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
