kristin has been a bad kristin
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize