My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
