there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
