the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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