Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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