are you still at the devil's house?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
