yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
