Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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