I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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