Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize