Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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