have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
