a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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