I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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