yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
