I must be too annoying 4 u.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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