she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
bring money and cleavage
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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