I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ketchup is God's man juice
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
either way he was missing a nipple.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
