ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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