he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
