HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
