he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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