I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
