So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
