Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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