I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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