Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
did you just send me my own nude
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
