What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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