I intend to get homeless drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
