guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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