this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
