Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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