I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
