It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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