I think I just saw someone hide a body.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
