Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
