Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
