he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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