I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
