It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
