What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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