it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
