I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
