Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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