i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
