Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
