so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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