he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
