its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
