Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
