I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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