____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
