I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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