Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's never too late to be topless.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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