no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i drank out of a bidet.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
