On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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