she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
