i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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