yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
