I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
