he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize