whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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