I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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