I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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