I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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