She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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